I feel sadder than usual now, but somewhat cleansing. Knowing that my friend being on his drug ridden rampage, I realize how many similarities we have...how much of the same boat we are in and yet how differently we handle the situations. I find it admirable that to a certain degree he has lasted so long under strenuous circumstances, that with the fact that he has this frail psyche that is less stable than mine.


The fact being, I sort of realize how painful my life is but am in a state of apathy. I realize that I lack basic social skills to interact like large groups not on a single person group level but on a group to everyone level. I try my best but as much as I try...I always end up talking with the people I know or feel comfortable with. I feel that I have been limited in everything that I experienced due to how little confidence I have in myself with other people who had greater confidence than I.